The Rules Of Being A Decepticon House Pet
by NekoInAhat
Summary: Elle is a normal girl that trades her freedom and some documents stole by her little sister from the pentagon for her life. Now stuck being a house pet for the Decepticon's she has to learn a few rules to survive. Oh and there's a very OOC Barricade too.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I m finally getting to writing this request for my big sister Not Bob. It s been like four-six months since she asked er I offered (?) to write this for her. Well I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed not telling her I wrote it for weeks :D Yes I am mean but she made me angry at her! Oh and Brake-Neck my Easter mini-con says beep which I think is hi the Bumblebee s all say hi too.

Pairings: None so far but most likely if Not Bob wants any.

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers in any way shape or form I just write fanfics.

Warnings: Randomness as soon as I get the stone rolling! Probably slash because who I m writing this for is a slash lovin perv of a sister.

If there was one thing Elle knew it was that she hated crowds. Actually not crowds but humans in specific she was fine around a bunch of dogs or cats but drop her into time square she would scream. Demophobia, Sociophobia, and Anthropophobia a short list of what that could be called.

Elle looked around again the usually deserted street was bustling because of the newly added mall. Like the world needed one more when there was one just three blocks away it wasn't like the new one had any different stores. Well at least there was one more Game Stop so more free game trials.

Elle eventually got to the mall the inside was large and brightly light a harsh contrast to the dark early March 10 PM light. Elle winces at the difference looking around after her eyes adjust. There certainly was an abundance of escalators. She hicks her black messenger bag further up her shoulder her combat boots clicking on the well polished floor as she heads over to the nearest bench to try to mooch wifi off of one of the surrounding stores.

After about two hours of hard core online gaming Elle finally gets thirst and puts her stuff hack in the messenger bag and goes over to the hundred year old vending machine advertising Grape Bonanza whatever that was. It was the cheapest thing she was most likely to find so she puts a dollar.

The machine spits the dollar back out. She tries putting it back in. It spits she rubs any cresses out of it and tries again. It spits the dollar back out. Elle growls trying again she shoves the dollar in. She sighs as it starts going in. Then it comes back out and falls onto the floor. Elle nearly screams but picks it then notices she was trying to put it in upside down.

"Stupid machines." She says finally getting her soda.

Elle looks at the innocent enough looking can of pop then picks it up. She opens the lid and takes a drink. Then she starts coughing.

"Ow my tongue! What kind of soda is scalding hot! It also had something in it!" She says sticking her tongue out at it.

She walks past a trash can and throws it out. As she leaves she doesn't notice how the liquid spilling out wasn't the purple it should have been but a pink color and the paper in the trash was starting to light on fire.

Elle hums walking down the street back to her house. Her parents were almost always gone so she had the house to herself. Well as to yourself as you can have with a younger sister who lives in your houses industrial sized ventilation system and has a security system set up that the Chinese government would be jealous of. Basically duct tape over the cameras and have the whole house to yourself besides the occasional bumping in the vents she does keep the pests out.

Elle laughs at the thought of her little sister fighting off rats with her trusty meat cleaver. Elle herself preferred katana s and other types of swords. Guns were also on her list of favorite weapons though she really did want a jet because that would be pure awesomeness.

Elle pushes the book bag further up her shoulder before getting to the semi-large house at the end of a dirt road. It was four stories tall and had 7 bed rooms only one in active use because of Elle s parents working at all hours and her sister living in the vents.

Elle you are three hours late for dinner. A mechanical voice says over a speaker.

Hey, vent crawler go get your robot to shut up so I can eat pizza. Elle says.

Okey-dokey sis robot-drone 45.2 go outside and self destruct. A voice over a speaker system says.

Order acknowledged. The robot says walking outside.

As Elle gets her pizza she hears the tell tale boom of the robot self destructing.

Elle it s eight o clock I get to play music now! The young girl s voice yells.

Oh Gods not rap. Elle says head hitting the table.

Nope~ just parody songs today!

Oh that s good. Elle says sighing.

After about twenty minutes an alarm goes off. It was for when planes fly too close to the house.

Jet closing in prepare main cannon! She yells.

Seriously? Elle says face palming.

A/N: Not as funny as it could be but a start. I know it s short but who cares? They ll get longer and funnier I promise on my love for clean carpeting. Also thank Brake-Neck for typing out the last couple paragraphs XD I used his arms to type it's harder then it sounds D: Not Bob: I love it! This is pure awesomeness just like owning a jet! Thank you TTwTT I'm so happy I'm crying! Neko: Thank's sis. 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N:

Pairings: None so far but most likely if Not Bob wants any.

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers in any way shape or form I just write fanfics.

Warnings: Randomness as soon as I get the stone rolling! Probably slash because who I m writing this for is a slash lovin perv of a sister.

On our last chapter of The Rules of Being A Decepticon House Pet Elle's paranoid little sister's alarm for planes flying too low went off and she set off to prepare main cannons. Oh and Elle drank a thing of soda that was really hot and had some random object in it. Elle also face palmed.

"Why did my sister have to come out paranoid?" Elle asks shaking her head.

"Move your jet aft out of the 'no fly zone' or I will blow it up with probably illegal force!" Elle's little sister yells.

"Dear Gods please don't have them call the cops again." Elle prays.

Fine don t leave just circle the house like a bald eagle circling my last slice of pizza! You are going down you over sized flying oascken!

What in the name of mongooses is an oascken Leanna? Elle asks.

An ostridge chicken hybrid of course. Leanna says simply.

I m not going to ask. Elle says taking a drink of her perfectly normal cherry 7 up.

Imma firin mah laser oascken now die! Leanna laughs.

You know what I m going to say I wasn t here for this so I won t go to jail or anything. Elle says standing up.

Stupid TRANSFORMING oascken hold still so I can KILL you and eat your circuitry! Leanna yells.

You are a retard. Wait did you just say it transformed? Elle asks.

No duh it turned into a robot stupid oascken just like the cold virus always evolving. Leanna seethes.

It turned into a giant robot aren t you worried it s going to step on your blueberry bushes? Elle asks.

You re right get out of my yard! Leanna yells and gun fire is heard.

Hey Elle is bad if more robots come and start shooting at the one who was here first? Leanna asks.

I have no clue but let them duke it out. Elle says.

Oh! Cool this is like a movie! Elle come up here this is super cool! Leanna yells blond hair nearly touching the floor as she hagns down from her top half out of the vent to call Elle over.

Okay Repunzel calm your horses I ll get up there. Elle says grabbing a ladder to climb the 15 feet to the vent.

Ella crawls threw the vents into the large command center in the center of the ventilation ducts it was larger than most trailers and could fit twenty people comfortably. Leanna was at the main monitor one large silver robot was fighting another robot that was blue with fire patterns on them.

So what should we do? Elle asks.

Silver ones trying to destroy the Earth blue ones protecting us apparently they want information I stole from the pentagon. Leanna says, Oh cool the blue one just grabbed the silver ones crotch!

Do you think they know what sister fierce is? Elle asks.

If gay guys do maybe gay robots do too never know. Leanna says.

Do you think they even notice that they re groping each other? Elle asks smirking

No probably not. Hey giant robots! Why are you groping each other? Leanna says pressing a button so she could be heard by the robots.

"Where did that come from?" The blue asks looking around.

"We are NOT groping each other!" The silver one yells.

"Then why are you grabbing each others crotches?" Elle asks leaning past Leanna to press the button and speak.

"Wrestlers do it all the time!" The silver one yells.

"Well all wrestlers are gay." Elle says.

"Come out and fight me!" The silver one yells.

"I don't want to grope you!" Elle yells.

"That's not what I mean!"

"Shut up oascken!" Leanna yells.

"What in the name of Primus is a oascken?"

"It's a ostridge chicken hybrid you idiot!" Leanna and Elle yell.

"You didn't know that?" The blue one asks.

"Shut up and die!" Leanna and Starsceam yell at the same time.

"Stop copying me you slagging idiot!" The both yell again.

"Shut up already I'm trying to kill someone!"

"Stop coping me you insognificant worm!"

"How do you know what I'm saying?"

"In stereo coming to stores near you." Leanna and Elle say pointing at the you(as in you reader).

"Just give me the documents!" The silver one yells.

"Um.. I'm sorry but our parents took away the documents because someone called the cops on her again." Elle says.

"Not my fault that male girl scout wouldn't leave." Leanna huffs.

"What male girl scout?" Elle asks.

"The one that wouldn't leave." Leanna says.

"They don't come out this far." Elle says.

"We're a five minute walk from town I have to scare them off with a cleaver. This one happened to be the annoying gay and wouldn't leave." Leanna says.

"Starscream where are the documents I thought you could handle this one simple mission!" A voice yells.

"Die you stupid opposum!" Leanna yells a giant cannon coming out of the roof.

"That's it I'm sick of these giant robots do they know who has to fill in those pot holes when they're done?" Elle says.

"My robots." Leanna says.

"Yes and they come from MY spare parts." Elle says climbing the ladder onto the roof.

"Opposum we meet for the first time for the last time." Leanna says narrowing for her eyes, "Elle I'm pressing the red button."

"No! I want to SHOOT them!" Elle yells.

"Hey sis I fond the spare documents! The ones I have incase mom and dad took all the original ones! Here you take them!" Leanna says handing Elle the documents.

"Um... What am I going to do with them?" Elle asks.

"I have no clue I was just using them as kitty box liner don't worry they weren't in the kitty box yet." Leanna says.

"Just incase I'm going to give them to the giant robots." Elle says holding the papers away from her person.

"Okay I don't care they're just some even more secret then top secret stuff saying where some stuff that 'doesn't' exsit is." Leanna says waving a hand.

"Ooh cool! Me read!" Elle says looking threw the papers on the way to the door.

Elle walks outside then notices the large robot aiming a gun at her.

"Um... can I help you?" Elle asks raising an eyebrow.

"Squishy give me the papers and you may live to be my pet." He says. 


	3. 1 No Relieving Yourself On The Carpet

A/N: Tehe Rawr. Sorry inside joke with two of my friends well I'm having fun writing this but my writing juices are quickly deminished these days *sigh* oh well I had fun writing this chapter :D and my dad was moved to night shifts for the week I feel sorry for him and my mom because she has to drive him. Oh and no hope! No hope! I have no clue where that came from I'm just ranting up here now. Well Justin Bieber sucks at singing like a male but if he was female he'd be a great singer! Well have fun reading this random story.

Pairings: None so far but most likely if Not Bob wants any.

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers in any way shape or form I just write fanfics.

Warnings: Randomness as soon as I get the stone rolling! Probably slash because who I m writing this for is a slash lovin perv of a sister. Oh and Barricade is very berry OOC

Continuing from last time on The Rules of Being A Decepticon House Pet.

"Hmm... He called me squishy, he's pointing a gun at me, what should I do Leanna?" Elle asks.

"Ask if they have vents!" Leanna yells.

"Do you have vents?" Elle asks.

"Of course we do." He says annoyed.

"They do!" Elle yells.

"Being a pet to an alien species would be awesome of course you should do it!" Leanna yells.

"Okay here are the papers! Want me to read them to you?" Elle asks.

"I have a jump drive with them on it!" Leanna yells from the vents.

"Noooo!" The blue one yells.

"What's his problem?" Elle asks.

"Well you probably just doomed your entire planet." The silver one says.

"Cool! So they're all going to die?" Elle says.

"That's usually what it means." Leanna says.

"Awesome! I won't have to deal with them anymore and I can stop going to therapy!" Elle yells, "I'm going to go get my stuff."

"Already packed here you go I've been waiting for this moment." Leanna says handing Elle her bags smiling.

"I'm not even 18." Elle says, "So when do we leave?"

"Starscream you carry her." The new silver one says.

"Fine lord Megatron." Starscream says.

"Ooh he's a lord fancy like fancy feast." Elle says climbing into Starscream, "Where did the blue one go?"

"I can haz cheezburger I can haz giant robot in cage." Leanna says.

"You didn't did you?" Elle says face palming.

"Maybe."

"You ugh.. Let's just go." Elle says.

"Bye!" Leanna says waving and giggling.

As soon as they take off Elle sighs, She is such a retard.

"How do you squishy's know each other?" Starscream asks.

"We're sisters she's younger than me but sometime in her little life she found out vent crawling and computer hacking was fun so she dedicated all her time to that. She's smart there but ask her what 2 plus 2 is and she'll have to use her fingers to count."

"So she's retarded in a sense."

"Yep more than you Starscream be happy."

"I am not!" Starscream screeches.

"Whatever you say screamer." Elle says leaning back.

Starscream grumbles but keeps flying. Eventually they reach the ocean.

"Cool the ocean! I almost drowned here once!" Elle says pressing against the window.

"Well then this will be fun for you. Starscream laughs doing a nose dive towards the water.

Yay! I m going to die because of pressure change! Woot! Elle yells putting her hands up.

Human s are weird. Starscream says as they go into the water Megatron not far behind them.

So um why ARE we going into the ocean? Elle asks.

Then they come up to a giant base looking thing and starting pulling in.

Because our base is at the bottom of the ocean. Starscream says in a duh kind of voice.

Starscream transforms once they are inside and Elle is sitting on his shoulder.

Hey you don t need to get all glitchy on me Screamer what is it your time of month? Elle says and Starscream growls.

Elle looks around as soon as she hears someone laughing. A police car looking robot was laughing hysterically in the corner.

Shut up Barricade. Starscream growls at the robot.

Sorry but what the organic said was funny. Barricade says.

I prefer the term Squishy American thank you very much. Elle says crossing her arms.

So why do you have one on you? Barricade asks.

The reason why is that my little sister is a vent crawling psycho that steals stuff from government agencies. Elle says.

You re pretty funny squishy. Barricade says.

Since you like her so much you can give her a tour and set up some ground rules. Megatron says shaking water off himself (they would get really wet flying threw the ocean)

Cool come on Squishy the Biggest Loser is going to be on soon. Barricade says offering a hand Elle could stand on.

"I love that show a bunch of fat people running around trying to beat eachother at losing weight if you watch it backwards it's a bunch of people getting depressed and gaining weight by moving backwards." Elle says as she was moved to Barricade's shoulder.

"You squishy's do the oddest things oh that takes us to rule #1 no going relieving yourself on the carpet." With that Elle nearly fell off Barricade's shoulder laughing.

A/N: I am so incorpirating Kareoke in the next chapter you have been warned XD I am so weird! Well I have to get back to watching the Key of Awesome! Look it up on youtube it's freaking funny! It helps me wtih ideas and just makes me laugh I really like #6 which is a parody of Bad Romance and #17 which is a parody of Telephone which is a conversation between Beyonce and Lady Gaga about the music video of Telephone and Lady Gaga threatens Beyonce and three nuns tub and they're doing it with a Garden Gnome XD 


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Woot! I have feeeeeet! Srsly don't ask I'm hyyypppppeeeerrrr! I think there are a lot of mistakes but I go to a public school where being able to divide 64 and 8 makes you smart and I am only in 8th grade leaving me with not a lot of grammarical experience. Also serederddcdfrt45612:19 AM 5/1/201112:19 AM 5/1/2011dfcvfg5rdefscvfcdxdrdec frdecfvredsxc um... sorry I started playing with the keyboard and am keeping that because where in the world did the times come from? Okay well enjoy I need to fix my bottom sheet.

Pairings: None so far but most likely if Not Bob wants any.

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers in any way shape or form I just write fanfics.

Warnings: Randomness as soon as I get the stone rolling! Probably slash because who I m writing this for is a slash lovin perv of a sister.

response to reviews-

starscreamwifey: *bows before reviewer* Awe thank you I'll start keepingt his at the top of my list of things to do! I have this story so far backed up

InsaneCatGirl: I'm really sorry I wrote more but there weren't a lot of views and I was really just writing this for my sister so I forgot to update the past eight chapters I've written.

Last time on The Rules Of Being A Decepticon House pet Elle traded freedom and some top secret document to be a super advanced mechanical aliens race's pet oh and they're the bad guys of their race too. Leanna also was all too happy to be rid of her elder sister. Barricade was ordered by Megatron to give Elle a tour and to set up some rules.

"You know this rule buisness is hard how about we just come up with them as they come?" Barricade asks the organic on his shoulder.

"Sure I'm game." Elle nods.

Then Dam Dadi Doo starts playing and Barricade screams like a youngling femme and jumps.

"Um... I'm not going to ask what whoever's writing this has agenst you but that was just my phone." Elle says pulling a small black key board phone out of her pocket.

"Hi Leanna what is it this time?"

"It's dark in here and I can't see anything." Leanna says over the phone.

Elle sighs, "The light switch is to your right just flip it." Elle says face palming.

"Oh! Thank's Elle! It's bright now! Oh and I drank your Ramune byebye." Leanna says before hanging up.

"She did not!" Elle yells at the phone.

"I'm sorry Dad I didn't mean to dump it on Ravage!" A small robot yells running down the hallway chased by a bigger robot and a very angry looking robot cat with lime green paint on it.

"Negative: Punishment: Corner. Order: get to it." The robot says chasing after him.

"I don't want to! It was Rumbles idea too ya' know!" Frenzy yells.

"You got the paint on Ravage Rumble didn't I would have been fine with you dumping it on Starscream." The robot says.

Elle bursts out laughing nearly falling off of Barricades shoulder as she points at the group in front of her.

"What's your problem and how did an organic in here?" Frenzy asks.

"I prefer Squishy American as I told Barricade here and I traded stuff to live here and for the former Cogito Eggo Sum." Elle says.

"I have no clue what the slag that means but Cogito Ergo Spud." Frenzy says back.

"I think, therefor I yam? You don't look very yammy to me." Elle says crossing her arms.

"Well you're an idiot." Frenzy says sticking his glossa out at her.

"I know you are but what am I?" Elle taunghts.

The squishy and cassette duke it out until they hear Starscream saying something.

"Who in the pit is staring at my aft?"

"Don't turn around!" A female voice yells.

"Why not?" Starscream yells.

"I'm having a staring contest!"

"With what? My aft?" Starscream asks.

"Exactly."

"Exactly what?"

"I'm having a staring contest with your aft. It's a challenging opponent I'll give it that." The female says.

Elle looks and notices Leanna glaring at Starscreams aft with the intensity to fry ants. Elle knows she had done it once.

"Who are you anyway!" Starscream yells finally having it.

"Leanna who else would I be?" Leanna asks.

"I don't know someone not organic?" Starscream says.

"Shut it Dorito." Leanna says.

"I am not a human food product that comes in many flavors!" Starscreams says.

"Um... oooookaaaay? Who mentioned food?" Leanna says backing up but still glaring at Starscream's butt.

"You did!" Starscream yells.

"What are you doing here vent crawler?" Elle asks.

Leanna turns to look at Elle with giant puppy dog eyes.

"I'm hungry and I forgot how the microwave works again I think I accidently contacted NASA with it again." Leanna says.

"So you want me to make you food." Elle says sighing.

Leanna nods happily.

"Frenzy make the kid food and she'll make you something. I have no clue what but whenever I make her food I always find something random in my room once she gave me the presidents foot." Elle says.

"I feel strangely violated." Starscream says.

"Eh you'll get over it." Elle says waving her hand at him.

"How about rule # 2 is respect peoples personal spaces and don't stare at their personal places?" Ravage asks.

"Holy sugar in a milkshake it can talk!" Leanna yells before glomping the metalic cat, "I want yooouu!"

"Negative: organic. Order: get off Ravage." Soundwave says snapping his fingures and pointing away from Ravage.

"Didn't you hear rule # 2 respect personal spaces, Primus." Barricade says.

"Aww. I'll just go to the vents." Leanna says walking over to a weird metal thing sticking out of the wall with a dark hole in it, "Good night Mr. B."

Leanna climbs up and crawls into the hole.

"She was talking to you." Barricade and Starscream say to eachother at the same time, "No you."

"She was talking to Ravage." Elle says pointing at Ravage who was licking his ah hem 'personal' places.

"What? He asks questionaly.

"Nothing." Everyone says looking away.

"I thought so." Ravage says going back to where he was.

A/N: XD just HAD too add that last part! Just after my sister finish reading the first part and closed the door I kept typing and wrote that! 


	5. 3 No taping over the security cameras

A/N: Okay the chapter has nothing to do with duck taping cameras but Leanna came up with the rule and it stuck. No pun intended. XD I'm punny! Well back on track Elle finally gets her bed it actually would have been fun for her to need a bed for like six months and complain about it but still. Well enjoy.

Pairings: None so far but most likely if Not Bob wants any.

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers in any way shape or form I just write fanfics. Oh and some things Leanna says are kind of from Bioshock.

Warnings: Randomness as soon as I get the stone rolling! Probably slash because who I m writing this for is a slash lovin' perv of a sister.

"You seriously want me to sleep there?" Elle asks.

"Yes what's wrong with it?" Barricade asks.

"Well for one it's a pile of used tires." Elle says staring at a pile of tires some even had the wires showing.

"It's all you could want in a bed!" Barricade says jumping onto the tires then jumps up, "Slag that hurts!"

Elle falls over laughing at the injured Decepticon who was hopping around.

"Who in the name of Primus is this she demon!" A voice yells.

"I don't know but it's catching up!" Another screams.

"Why can't I warp in here?"

"Because she disabled your ability to and our transforming mechanisms!"

"Run my pretty I'll get you and you're little dog too!" Leanna's voice cackles.

"I'm the pretty one you're the dog!" The voice that Elle heard first says.

"No way Skywarp you're the dog." The other voice says.

"You're both Pomeranians!" Leanna yells laughing.

"I blame you for this Thundercracker!" Skywarp apparently yells.

Finally Elle sees a blue version and purple version of Starscream run past quickly followed by Leanna who was riding Ravage.

"Faster Mr. B the angels are getting away!" Leanna yells.

"I don't get paid enough for this." Ravage mumbles.

"Seriously you don't have a mattress around here?" Elle asks turning away from the four outside.

"Maybe Hook has one." Barricade says picking Elle up and placing her on his shoulder.

So Elle and Barricade head towards the med bay where a small Decepticon was running around wearing a coconut bra. Not really they headed to the rec room where a small Decepticon was sitting drinking hot energon while reading a newspaper.

"Hook do you have any mattresses. This Squishy American Megatron picked up needs one." Barricade says.

"Why should I?" Hook asks folding his newspaper up and setting it down before folding his hands in front of himself.

"I'll give you a human well subhuman vent crawling species to dissect. Well I'll give you her current location you can lure her out with bacon or say Starscream's aft is up for a rematch." Elle says.

"Starscream's aft?"

"Yes, that is what I said." Elle says.

"The exchange is worth it. Skywarp get the woman her mattress." Hook says clapping his hands.

Skywarp grumbles handing Barricade a sleep number mattress.

"Oh! Fancy!" Elle says.

"Now Skywarp I am hiding you from that child so go make bacon or I will alert her of your presence." Elle hears Hook say.

"I hate you." Skywarp says.

"So we got you a mattress is that all you need?" Barricade asks.

"Just food but I guess you guys can get that for me." Elle says stretching.

"Why did you sell off your sister for a mattress?" Barricade asks.

"Eh she can handle it she once went to a UFO crash site got abducted by a random organization and disected she's still relatively okay." Elle says flicking rocks off of Barricade's shoulder.

"I like the way you think." Barricade says.

"So then you can see EVERYTHING that goes on." Leanna's voice comes from down the hall.

"Who's she talking to?" Elle asks.

"I was going to ask you." Barricade says.

"Well I guess you would make a good security director." Megatron says.

"Yeah but I need a two hour lunch break and on the break be able to borrow Starscream and his aft to get home to feed my giant robot in a cage." Leanna says.

"Deal." Megatron says.

"Cool I'm employed!"

"Hey Elle rule #3 no duck taping the camera's in the hallways!" Leanna yells.

"What! You can't give me rules!" Elle yells back at her.

"Technically she can she is a Decepticon and you are the Decepticon's house pet. She's our security director." Megatron says.

"And I have large guns that peirce Cybertronian armor but Autobots are sworn not to harm humans." Leanna says smiling cheekily.

"You'll make a fine Decepticon in time Leanna maybe one day you can take Starscream's place as second in command." Megatron says.

"Cool I already took Prowls job! Why not Starscream's too!" Leanna woots.

"Isn't Prowl the Autobots second in command?" Barricade asks.

"Yeah I let Optimus Prime go in exchange for the 2IN job and every week I get a different Autobot as a pet! Er... he said captive but it's the same thing!" Leanna says cheerily.

"Um... I'm not going to ask from how high up mom dropped you. I think it was from out of a tower little Rapunzel girl. You were trying to escape." Elle says.

"Yep that's what happened I was escaping the terrible clutches of our mom the tower." Leanna says.

"You are a complete retard." Elle says face palming for what seems like the millionth time in this fanfiction.

"What's two plus two!" Barricade asks.

"Um... let's see. One. Two. One. Two. One two three four. Four!" Leanna says raising up the four fingers she was counting on.

"You were right." Starscream says walking down the hallway.

"OMG I declare a rematch!" Leanna yells.

"I am not going through that again." Starscream says.

"Not you! You're aft!" Leanna says moving around to clearly look at Starscreams aft then a large net scoops her up.

"Hey!" Leanna yells.

"Finally good job Skywarp you are release from duty after you hook her up to my medical table." Hook says scurrying across the hallway to the small girl in the net.

"You'll never take me alive copper!" Leanna cackles and then she throws something making a cloud of rainbow dust.

"Primus be damned she escaped!" Hook yells before muttering scuttling away.

"Wow what did she do?" Megatron asks.

"Oh I sold her to Hook for a mattress." Elle says.

"Hmm well I was thinking if your a house pet you still need a purpose you are now the Decepticons Earth mascot. Go Squishies." Megatron says.

"I made T-shirts and mugs~" Barricade says holding up said apparel and drink ware.

"Serously dude?" Elle asks on his shoulder, "What are we now Megatron a college sports team?"

"Blitzwing likes football and he thought it would be a good idea and somehow it really did seem like a good idea." Megatron says before walking away.

"Don't turn your back to me mister!" Leanna yells still in the net.

She takes off her shoe which for some reason was a very sharp pointed looking stiletto heel and throws it at Megatron. Said shoe sticks right into Megatrons back hanging there for about a minute before falling out. Megatron turns around to stare at Leanna with what had to be a 'You-are-going-to-die' look.

"Meep." The long haired organic says leaning backwards.

"Corner now! No vents for six hours!" Megatron yells pointing to the corner.

Leanna whines but climbs out of the net and walks to the corner sitting down. She turns around to give a kicked Turbofox look at Megatron but he shakes his head. Barricade had decided then would be a good time to escape.

A/N: Leanna is being bad and Barricade makes a tactical retreat. Poor Elle stuck with a bunch of retards. Well I think next chapter may have some plot development and/or background on Elle and maybe some on Leanna but mostly our poor main character who doesn't quiet fit in anywhere. Please review!


	6. 4 No bad comments

A/N: Some light on who Elle and Leanna's parents are and we meet Leanna's current Autobot house guest.

Pairings: None so far but most likely if Not Bob wants any.

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers in any way shape or form I just write fanfics. Oh and some things Leanna says are kind of from Bioshock.

Warnings: Randomness as soon as I get the stone rolling! Probably slash because who I m writing this for is a slash lovin perv of a sister.

Elle turns over in her bed covering it with her pillow but that accursed beeping wouldn't shut off! She growls sitting up angry but there was no alarm clock. Then everything catches up with her again. It was an alarm like one of Leanna's air raid sirens.

Barricade runs in huffing slightly. Elle wondered when robots could huff but still it didn't matter too much. Leanna could probably shed some light on it after running a couple stealth mode scans on the Depeticon and her captive Autobots.

"What's going on?" Elle asks.

"Submarines coming in quick." Barricade says.

"Have you destroyed them or something?" Elle asks, "Just shut this alarm up!"

"Too close we might damage the base." Barricade says.

"Then tell them me and Leanna are here." Elle says waving him off.

"What will two organics change?" Barricade asks.

"Um our parents are two of the worlds richest and famous people." Elle says rolling over.

"Really?" Barricade asks.

"Yeah there both famous engineers and programmers mom specializes in AI's. They were expecting Leanna to follow in her footprints she still might but that's IF she gets out of her current habits. They haven't been trying to make me do anything though." Elle says.

"You make it sound like Leanna's a drug addict." Barricade says.

"What's going on?" Leanna says sitting on her hair like a swing that was suspended from the ceiling.

"What is your hair made out of?" Barricade asks.

"I think mostly protein and dead cells but I never paid much attention to that stuff I just stuffed my face with rice crispy treats." Leanna says smiling.

"So should you call mom and dad and get them to call someone to stop them because I don't want to die." Elle says.

"Okay." Leanna says pulling a small dog, then a bonsai tree, a ferret, a therapeutic pool, and a small house out of her hair before finally getting to her phone.

She dials in a number and puts it to her ear. She wait for a while before she looks like she got an answer.

"Hello I'm Leanna Deraldson. Yes they are my parents. Yes I would please like to talk to them. Okay I'll wait..." It takes a few moments but Leanna starts talking again, "Hey mom the place I'm in is about to be bombed by submarines. No mom I didn't do anything I'm just inside the Decepticon base and Elle's with me. I want to not die and if I do donate my computers to those in need."

Leanna says some more things sounding like she was about to cry but completely dry eyed. Then she closes the phone.

"We are in the clear." Leanna says smirking, "Sad voice works over the phone every time."

"Wow you are a Decepticon." Barricade says.

"More than you'll ever be sissybot." Leanna says sticking her tongue out before pulling herself up before Barricade could try and hit her.

'Well,' Elle thinks, 'At least the alarms are off.'

"Sometimes she annoys me." Barricade sighs.

"Sometimes? she annoys me all the time." Elle says patting the way larger robots leg.

She looks up at Barricade contemplating something. Barricade looks down at her questioningly.

"What are you thinking?" Barricade asks.

"You look really fat from this angle." Elle says.

Shortly afterward Barricade is in the corner bawling his optics out.

"Elle." Megatron sighs, "Okay rule #4 No bad comments like looking fat or bad in a negative way to any sentient being. Yes you can say it to a wall as much as you want."

"Megatron, that may just have been the most boring rule yet." Elle says bluntly.

Now Megatron is in the corner with Barricade. Elle shrugs and walks off to find food. After just that small trip the entire Seeker trine had joined them after Elle had comments on their 'dull' paint job, so was Soundwave for his sucky music, Rumble and Frenzy for their unntertaining pranks, Ravage for not being stealthy, and a couple other mechs.

"See! This is why I came up with that rule!" Megatron says from the corner.

Elle walks in drinking a soda and just looks at them. She raises an eyebrow. She sighs after realizing something and stops drinking.

"Is this because of what I've been saying?" Elle asks.

"What do you think!" Everyone there yells.

"It's opposite day I mean Barricade is skinny, Megatron's rule wasn't the most boring Leanna's was, the Seeker trine looks brilliant today, Soundwave has kickaft music, the twins are always amusing, and Ravage is super stealthy." Elle sighs.

"I will never get used to Earth customs." Starscream says standing up and walking away.

"Me two." Skywarp says.

"Hey Elle! Meet Bluestreak! He's an Autobot sniper basically!" Leanna says running in trailing a large silver and red Transformer led by hair wrapped around his wrists.

"I don't like this Leanna couldn't I just stay in your basement. Decepticon's kind of scare me and this many really scares me. Why can't I just go home? Do I really need your hair around my wrists? This has been my fifth day in a row with you I kind of want to get home even reporting to Prowl for six hours seems nice." Bluestreak says.

"Hey! I'm your sides 2IC! Also I like you you're fun to hang with. I also am the security director here so I have work to do and vents to keep clean!" Leanna says.

"Well how are you hottie." Barricade says leaning on the wall smiling at the other transformer.

"I'm dating twins." Bluestreak deadpans.

Barricade awes and sulks away. Elle and Leanna start laughing at him.

"That was awesome Blue!" Leanna laughs.

"You seriously are dating twins?" Elle asks.

"Yeah Sideswipe and Sunstreaker." Bluestreak says, "They're probably getting mad at me being so long."

"Fine Blue go get to your boyfriends tell Optimus to send Hound it's fun playing with the holograms." Leanna says shooing the Autobots away.

"Well that was weird." Elle says but shakes it off to go back to bed, "And doesn't Leanna realize she just ditched an Autobot in the Decepticon base that is like a couple thousand feet underwater?"

A/N: Told you! Yep I had to have Bluestreak and that pairing here XD. I just love it too much. Well I am really tired now and a lot longer to type for my sister. *power sigh* I have to type until midnight and it's only eleven XS I am going to die.


End file.
